I was at a meeting recently where someone stood up and said, “Fall is here, so please remember not to drive through piles of leaves along the road. There could be children playing in them.”
I’ve heard that a hundred times, and a hundred times it sounded like something that grew out of urban legends. On the flip side, we were told as kids not to play in the leaves near the street for the same reason. As usual, this drove me to the internet. Low and behold, SNOPES.COM does not dismiss the warning as a myth, but cites several horrible accidents as proof that playing in the leaves can have deadly consequences.
But there’s a more pressing reason you shouldn’t play in the leaves, particularly not the leaves piled on the street in front of my house. That’s because they are filled with dog poop. Those are the leaves I raked from the backyard over the weekend, and while we try to stay one step ahead of the dogs, it’s tough in the fall. The problem? Their droppings are camouflaged by nature’s colorful bounty. That sounds very poetic until you stroll through the leaves, or worse yet, you spend three hours raking them up. Then nature’s colorful bounty is a stinky, disgusting mess.
So, don’t play in the leaves and don’t drive through the leaves, and for Gods’ sake, wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident.
November sweeps is a big deal in TV because that’s when your audience gets measured. During these Nielsen Ratings periods, local TV rolls out “special reports” to bring more eyeballs to their newscasts. Most TV stations are content to do stories about things like internet predators, violent video games, or the hot topic du jour, internet predators who prey on kids playing violent video games —but KTLA in Los Angeles has raised the bar. Or lowered it. They’ve pulled out all the stops this month with a story they call Done Up Down There, a report on shaping and coloring your pubic hair. And you thought tasering news anchors was bad.
Jack Owen Blake would be about my age today had Arthur Shawcross not murdered him in 1972. He was ten. Four months Shawcross raped and killed eight-year-old Karen Hill. She’d be 44.
Arthur Shawcross confessed to the murders, but Jefferson County District Attorney William J. McClusky was doubtful about his case and eager for a conviction. So he made an offer: Shawcross would be spared a murder charge and a life term if he’d tell authorities where he had hidden the body of Jack Blake. Shawcross accepted and served 15 years of his 25 year sentence. He was paroled and later went on to kill eleven women in the Rochester area.
Nothing could have saved those two innocent children in 1972, but you’ve got to wonder about DA McClusky. What could have made him think a jury in Watertown, NY wouldn’t want to lock up Shawcross and throw away the key? Instead he got to walk free and murder again.
Shawcross died in an Albany hospital this week, brought there after falling ill at Sullivan Correctional Facility. Unlike his many victims, Arthur Shawcross went the way many of us will go, in a hospital being cared for by people fighting to keep us alive.
There hasn’t been an execution in New York since 1963, but if anyone ever deserved it, it was Arthur Shawcross. And if you think you can explain why a man who murdered thirteen people shouldn’t have been put to death, you’re welcome to try.
I try not to fall into any “should have done this” or “could have done that” thinking, but I’m really starting to wonder about passing on the plumbing thing.
My father owned a small plumbing business, and a couple of summers as a laborer convinced me that I wanted nothing to do with it. All I could see from my narrow slice of the world was a pathway that lead to a life in basements and under sinks —but what I didn’t see was the opportunity to be a businessman. My thick teenage skull couldn’t understand that the goal was not to be the guy doing the work, but the guy making the money.
I was reminded of this after the NY Times did the inevitable plumber story after Joe the Plumber became a national celebrity. But the plumbers the Times wrote about? These were successful, Einstein-quoting guys with 4,000 square foot offices running shops where their top employees “clear two, maybe two-and-a-quarter every year.” Yes, the workers, not the managers.
But, no…I had to go work in TV.
Anyway, no point in having regrets or in making the obvious TV career vs. plumbing career crap joke. Life is life and when you get right down to it, it’s just a matter of which end of the pipe you’re looking through.
I’m not much of a runner, but I still manage to get out there. I do it in all weather all year round —but I will never, ever again think that I’m hardcore -even for a second- after reading this story:
Arizona: Jogger Attacked by Rabid Fox
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
A jogger was attacked by a rabid fox, ran a mile with the animal’s jaws clamped on her arm and then drove herself to a hospital, the authorities said. The Yavapai County sheriff’s office said the woman told deputies that she was on a trail near Prescott on Monday when the fox attacked and bit her foot. The woman said that she grabbed the fox by the neck when it went for her leg but that it bit her arm. The woman wanted the animal tested for rabies so she ran a mile to her car with the fox still biting her arm, then pried the animal off and tossed it in her trunk and drove to the Prescott hospital. The sheriff’s office said the fox later bit an animal-control officer. He and the woman are both receiving rabies vaccinations.
By the way: runners get all bent out of shape when you call them “joggers” —especially if they have a fox hanging off their arm.
When I was a kid one of our favorite games was the dirt bomb fight. We’d hide behind things and hurl clods of soil at each other, grenade style. They’d break apart and send up clouds of dust when they landed. The object? Take out your opponent. Over the weekend I realized that I haven’t really come that far since being nine-years-old, because Saturday was paintball day.
Out in the woods of Columbia County, me and some guys from the firehouse ran around hiding behind trees trying to shoot other guys running around and hiding behind trees. Our ragtag group thought we were bad until some of the other players showed up in full cammo and carrying guns that looked like sniper rifles. Mostly, we got schooled —but once or twice disorganization and haphazard tactics worked in our favor against a force of better trained and more heavily armed opponents.
I woke up Sunday with some angry red welts where I was hit, but it’s the shot I took to the head that really hurts. Good thing they didn’t hit anything important.
Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward of She & Him craft a perfect little slice of retro 2:30 pop here —so it’s a little surprising when it takes a weird turn. That’s Halloween for you.
Charles O’Byrne, Governor David Paterson’s top guy, resigned last week after it was revealed he hadn’t been paying his taxes. During a press conference it was explained that O’Byrne suffered from “Late Filing Syndrome,” a little known psychological ailment that prevented him from fulfilling his civic duty. Naturally, this has been widely mocked on the internet. This is very unfair, because in truth there are many obscure conditions that perfectly normal people deal with every day. For example:
Put Off Raking the Leaves Syndrome
Symptoms: Leafy lawn. Neighbors stand in front of house and glare at you.
Forgot To Return Your DVD To Hollywood Video Syndrome
Symptoms: Onerous late charges. Spousal disdain.
Neglecting to Put The Garbage Out On Wednesday Night Syndrome
Symptoms: Foul odor in garage.
Didn’t Send Your Mother A Birthday Card Syndrome
Symptoms: Guilt.
Unwise Use of the Internet Syndrome
Symptoms: Embarrassment, possible loss of employment.
Right…so let’s cut Charles O’Byrne a break, shall we?
Alright, it’s been established that if a woman gets angry she may use her shoe to attack you —but if she gets really, really angry she’s heading for the kitchen.
NORWICH, Conn. - A Norwich woman was arrested Wednesday night on charges she slashed a man with a meat cleaver during a domestic dispute.
WOODSTOCK, Ont. - Police have a woman in custody after a downtown stabbing early Thursday morning. A 45-year-old man was rushed to hospital around 12 a.m., after an altercation with a known suspect at a Dundas Street apartment. The Oxford Community Police Service said the man was found near Museum Square suffering from multiple stab wounds to the neck, back and chest after fleeing the residence.
GLASGOW, W.Va. - A Glasgow woman has been charged with throwing a knife and other kitchen utensils at the father of her children. Rachael Renee Payne, 28, is being held at South Central Regional Jail.
WARRINGTON, Pa. -It’s the season for scary movies, but a woman with a knife chasing a Warrington man Saturday afternoon was frighteningly real, police said. Kathy Sala, 49, wielded the knife as she chased a running man and the dog he was carrying down the 2200 block of Pileggi Road about 3:15 p.m., according to a criminal complaint released Wednesday.
SHREWSBURY, Mass. - A 29-year-old woman was arrested this week for allegedly stabbing her boyfriend with a kitchen knife. Lisa M. Zschuschen, of 12 Anglin Lane, allegedly broke into the home at that address about 9:30 Tuesday morning and attacked a sleeping Douglas R. White, identified in a police report as her romantic partner of four years.
