8 Simple Rules For Walking On My Hardwood Floors

FloorsTo my family: As we near the completion of the flooring project this would be a good time to point out a thing or two. Brazilian cherry is known for its beauty and durability -indeed it’s renowned as an extremely hard hardwood- but to preserve the quality of this material and honor the tireless work that went into its installation certain steps must be taken:

  1. No high heels. Some of us remember the dimples they left on the floors in Albany and it wasn’t pretty.
  2. No soccer cleats. That may sound like common sense, but you know what they say about common sense.
  3. Do not carry items that are sharp or have angular edges while traversing the Brazilian cherry.
  4. No open flames are allowed in rooms with the new flooring.
  5. It is impractical to keep the dogs off the floors and it would be cruel to have them de-clawed so they must wear Muttluks Hott Doggers Dog Boots or other approved footwear.
  6. Please stay on the runners and area rugs and avoid stepping the exposed wood portion of the floor.
  7. Promptly wipe up standing water.
  8. Immediately report any incidents involving the floor. You are better off fessing up immediately than being caught later.

Thank you for your cooperation.

7 thoughts on “8 Simple Rules For Walking On My Hardwood Floors

  1. So I suppose it’s a bad time for me to come over with my firebreathing dogs in heels while knife juggling after a rainy soccer practice…

  2. This is why poured concrete is vastly preferable as flooring. In places where you are afraid of cold feet, put a darkly colored rug. Brutalism is the future!

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