A Breath of Fresh Air

A guy I used to work with believed that toilet smells are hazardous to our health. He’d gesture down the hall to the well-used men’s room. “That first floor bathroom is going to make you sick,” he explained. “When you smell someone’s shit in there, you’re breathing in tiny shit particles,” I nodded in agreement, not because I agreed, but because I didn’t want him to know that I thought he was nuts.

No, I didn’t agree with his particle thesis, but nobody could dispute that the bathroom often smelled revolting. In the interest of full disclosure, I hold the controversial view that people should poop at home, not at the office.

So, one day I decided I’d had enough. Early in the morning, I set up some old sneakers and a pair of jeans in bathroom so it would appear that someone was seated in the stall. During the day, I saw several flustered people go in the bathroom and exit quickly seeing the crapper was occupied. Those needing to use the urinal did so without being subjected to a toxic atmosphere.

Finally, very late in the day, someone peered over the stall door and discovered the ruse. I’m not going to name the person who peeked, and believe me, it’s a name many of you would know.

Some of you will see this as a cruel prank, but is it really crueler than fouling a public space you share with your co-workers? Here’s some advice if you really need to go: take it to another floor.

4 responses to “A Breath of Fresh Air

  1. I remember an episode of Gene Simmons’ Family Jewels where he and Shannon were at a hotel. He went to use the pot and she made him use the one in the lobby. Just goes to show you that you can be ultra-rich rock god and still have a wife nagging about your stink.

    • My wife put bottles of that Poo-Pourri spray in our bathrooms. The stuff smells wretched, but covers the odor. We had a recent incident where a visitor liberally sprayed the stuff in the air, rather than in the toilet water, and the smell lingered for days.
      Now it’s discreetly hidden, as it should have been from the start.

  2. But Rob, then what about the people on the other floor?

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