Is Beer a Clear Liquid?

When I saw that someone posted this as their Facebook status, I instantly understood:

Is beer a clear liquid?

You see, I had been wondering the same thing just hours before as I examined the prep instructions for my colonoscopy. The guidelines are very specific about consuming only clear liquids, but as you can imagine, the gastroenterologist isn’t going to include beer on the list. Broth, bouillon, juices? Yes. Beer? No.

But it doesn’t say don’t drink beer, does it?

My regimen started with four Dulcolax tablets to kick things off, and then proceeded to heavy doses of MiraLAX, popularly regarded as the Drano of the laxative community. Here’s how you know you’ve cleaned the pipes:

After your prep, the results should appear clear yellow or clear green liquid with no solid matter.

Oh, what fun. I suppose this is the price one must pay for living until 50. The indignities have commenced, and will hereby continue until death.

By the way, I asked for a videotape of my scoping to put on YouTube, but that was a no-go. It seemed like the perfect thing to watch while enjoying a clear liquid.

5 responses to “Is Beer a Clear Liquid?

  1. Beer seems clear enough to me. I don’t recall ever seeing chunky beer, even in Europe.

    Best of luck. My date with the scope is in April, and I’m hoping for full-on simulated-coma anesthesia. Don’t want a tape, don’t want to remember at all.

  2. Oh, but the drugs they give you are so lovely!

  3. You probably could have just taken somebody else’s video from off the web and called it your own. I mean really, how different is one colon from the next, anyway? Who would know the difference, except for another colon?

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