Maybe you’ve seen this dog toy called the Humunga Stache? It’s a big black moustache with a ball on the back for a dog to grab in its mouth. When Fido does that, it looks like he has a big huge moustache.
Hahahahahahahahaha. That’s hilarious, isn’t it?
But what’s really funny is when you spot this thing on the rug at 5am, because before coffee and in dim light it looks exactly like a huge steaming pile of dog sh… ummmm…. poop.
The people who make this thing are quick to point out that the Humunga Stache has won several major awards and it’s great fun to see your dog with a giant moustache, but they neglect to mention how much it looks like poop. And this is not just me just me obsessing over dog poop, everybody in our house agrees.
Personally, I think this is the perfect gift for your friends with dogs. It will provide hours of mirth and merriment — and it’s not nearly as slippery as the real thing.
In Pennsylvania, Democrat Senate candidate Joe Sestak likens the mess in Washington to dog poop:
Now that’s somebody I could really get behind — especially if it’s real dog poop in the bags.
This commercial says Sestak’s a guy who’s going to do something about all the sh*t going on in Washington. Nevermind that he spent the last four years serving in the House; that’s the sort of stuff that ruins a good metaphor.
Sestak’s spot may hit the mark, but I’ve gotta confess, one has to wonder about Belle. I don’t share my dog Maddy’s contempt for fluffy white pooches, but, well… it just may not send the right message.
This is not to say that your dog is a reflection on your character. Just because I wouldn’t want to be seen walking that thing around my neighborhood doesn’t make it bad.
And isn’t it unfair to judge a man by his dog? What are you going to do next, get down on Carl Paladino over his pit bull?
Laura Northrup, who writes for the world’s most excellent consumer affairs blog, The Consumerist, just knew I’d be interested in this post from yesterday: Man Sues Petsmart For $1 Million After Stepping In Dog Poop.
If you’ve ever been to PetSmart, you know that pooches are welcome. But just like out in the real world, customers at the pet super store may be less than attentive about picking up after their canine companions. She writes:
The Virginian-Pilot reports that a man is suing PetSmart in federal court after slipping and falling on a pile of feces in a Norfolk, Va. store. He alleges that the fall exacerbated his existing back injury and knocked out four of his false teeth.
Wow! Good thing he didn’t knock any of his real teeth.
Lawsuits being what they are, there’s probably something in there about the store causing the plaintiff, Robert Holloway, embarrassment and humiliation. If he wasn’t embarrassed and humiliated then, he is now.
The suit states that the store, “negligently allowed animals to enter the premises and deposit feces in such a manner as to create a dangerous and hazardous condition.”
See! I keep telling you that stuff is dangerous and hazardous.
A reader asks:
Have you ever tallied up how many times the subject of dog poop, picking up dog poop, etc is mentioned in one of your blogs?
That’s a great question, BL. I already knew that dog poop was a running theme in my blog posts, but I’d never actually bothered to keep track. I added them all up and did a little content analysis, throwing in cat poop just for good measure. The results were sort of stunning!
|Dog Poop Mentions in Comments
The interesting thing is that whenever I mention dog poop, it gets a lot of response. This is obviously something that people find interesting. And anyway, they say write about what you know, and people, I know about dog poop.
Please rest assured that I would never talk about dog poop just to get hits — well, I might if I were paid to write this blog. If they paid me to do this I’d totally pander to the dog poop lovers.
Every December the lawns in my neighborhood are decorated with more than electric reindeer and blow-up Santas: they are sprinkled with dog poop. It seems when the snow flies many people stop picking up dog crap. I have several theories about this:
1. The dog is not actually pooping on a lawn, it’s pooping on the snow. Dog walkers think that this forms a protective barrier over a homeowners grass. It doesn’t.
2. They are leaving it to pick up later. Everyone knows that frozen dog poop is a lot easier to bag than warm, steaming, fresh dog poop —but let me tell you, it does keep your hands warm.
3. People do not wish to soil their gloves. If you get dog crap on your hand you can just clean it off. Smear it on your glove and that glove will never seem the same, no matter how many times you wash it.
Don’t try telling me that they can’t see the dog poop because it’s so dark in the morning. If anything it’s much, much easier to spot against the white backdrop of the snow. It jumps out at you on even the darkest nights. Yikes!
There’s one other possibility: people are leaving it because it’s dark and they figure we can’t see them. Here’s some news for you: I get up very early and I can see you. Unless you want me to come by with my two dogs, please pick it up.