Category Archives: manly matters

I stupidly remarked on Sunday that Hurricane Irene didn’t seem so bad — but that was before I understood the full range of its destructive wrath. Yes, another lesson in shooting one’s mouth off without having any facts.

But I’m not here to talk about the storm damage, I’m here to talk about my underwear.

I spent the day tromping around town pumping out people’s basements with the fire department. Though soaking wet all day, I was comfortable because I didn’t wear anything cotton. Nylon shorts, synthetic blend socks, a moisture wicking athletic shirt — but maybe the best piece of equipment I had was in my pants: a pair of Under Armour boxer briefs.

Under Armour calls them The World’s Best Underwear, and I have to agree. They keep you cool and comfortable down there no matter what’s going on — plus they dry quickly, prevent chafing, and just make you feel like everything is right with the world. Travelling light? These are perfect because you can wash them in the sink and wear them again the next day.

Ladies, do your man a favor and get his a couple of pairs of these. I promise, he’ll think of you everytime he puts them on.

We can all agree that a guy should have some tools.

With that in mind, my older son has started getting Christmas gifts like a Craftsman socket set — and this year he found a tape measure, Channellock pliers, and a decent hammer under the tree.

Channellocks, with their distinctive blue grips, are an American classic. They were the brand favored by my father and other guys who worked with their hands when I was growing up. Like Maglites, and Leatherman tools, they’re still made in America, even though spitting these things out in China would be dirt cheap.

There were few things that drove my father crazy like people taking his tools and not putting them back where they found them.

You’d grab a pair of tin snips or a screwdriver to do something stupid — as twelve-year-old boys are apt to do — and leave them on the floor of the garage. Invariably, he would find it there and be very, very unhappy.

A man will end up with a collection of tools he’s accumulated over a life of fixing things or attempting to fix things. Many of them will be used just once, highly specialized stuff bought for some obscure task.

As a responsible father, it’s my job to get them started.

Fireworks figured large in my youth, and not just on the Fourth of July. We were always blowing things up and doing various stupid things with firecrackers and bottle rockets. It always went pretty well — except maybe for the time we lit the Clancy’s tree on fire. Sorry about that.

Model cars and airplanes were always a big part of these antics. You’d spend hours putting something together, painstakingly sanding, painting, and gluing, only to take it behind the shed, cram it full of firecrackers, and blow it to smithereens.

Everybody I knew did this — but if a kid caused that sort of trouble today, he’d be packed off to see a shrink.

Anyway, the one thing we didn’t have were video cameras:

Please have a safe Fourth of July. If you get a chance, take five minutes to read the Declaration of Independence.

Not sure if I’ve ever actually seen anybody with a roll of Necco wafers except my father. These were the sort of thing you would find inside his coat pocket, along with a Zippo lighter, a pack of Parliaments, and a handkerchief.

Necco Wafers are an old timey treat that are decidedly odd with their strange flavors and chalky consistency. They don’t seem to be the sort of thing craved by children — not these days, anyway. According to a timeline on the New England Candy Company site:

1913: Explorer Donald MacMillan takes Necco Wafers on his Arctic expedition, using them for nutrition and as rewards to Eskimo children.

If you’re used to eating seal blubber, Necco Wafers look pretty good!

In 2009, the company tried to update the classic candy by switching to “natural flavors.”  According to a story in The Atlantic, they did this because:

All-natural flavors and colors, the company thought, would draw young mothers concerned about their children’s diet.

By the way, Necco Wafers contain gelatin, which means they aren’t Kosher — and off limits to strict vegetarians.

It’s surprising the way little things can bring you back. A certain smell or taste. A song. Or even the way that translucent wrapping of a roll of Necco Wafers feels in your hand. Now whenever I see a roll of Necco Wafers I grab them. And I think about my father.