Category Archives: manly matters

At my Weight Watchers meeting (yes, like Charles Barkley I do Weight Watchers, so STFU) somebody needed to open a bag of frozen raspberries. She was aghast when I whipped out my knife.

More and more, pocket knives have come to be viewed as weapons instead of tools. Just look at the hysteria over knives in schools. Several years ago, a student who was an Eagle Scout and National Guardsman was suspended for having a small jackknife — in his car out in the parking lot. That’s just nuts.

I’ve had people say to me, “Why do you have a knife?” My answer? “Why don’t you have a knife?”

Pocket knives are standard equipment, and not just for guys. Hell, if I walked around with a pocketbook, I could carry a much bigger knife. And no, just because I go to Weight Watchers I don’t have a manbag. Gotta draw the line somewhere.

I stupidly remarked on Sunday that Hurricane Irene didn’t seem so bad — but that was before I understood the full range of its destructive wrath. Yes, another lesson in shooting one’s mouth off without having any facts.

But I’m not here to talk about the storm damage, I’m here to talk about my underwear.

I spent the day tromping around town pumping out people’s basements with the fire department. Though soaking wet all day, I was comfortable because I didn’t wear anything cotton. Nylon shorts, synthetic blend socks, a moisture wicking athletic shirt — but maybe the best piece of equipment I had was in my pants: a pair of Under Armour boxer briefs.

Under Armour calls them The World’s Best Underwear, and I have to agree. They keep you cool and comfortable down there no matter what’s going on — plus they dry quickly, prevent chafing, and just make you feel like everything is right with the world. Travelling light? These are perfect because you can wash them in the sink and wear them again the next day.

Ladies, do your man a favor and get his a couple of pairs of these. I promise, he’ll think of you everytime he puts them on.

We can all agree that a guy should have some tools.

With that in mind, my older son has started getting Christmas gifts like a Craftsman socket set — and this year he found a tape measure, Channellock pliers, and a decent hammer under the tree.

Channellocks, with their distinctive blue grips, are an American classic. They were the brand favored by my father and other guys who worked with their hands when I was growing up. Like Maglites, and Leatherman tools, they’re still made in America, even though spitting these things out in China would be dirt cheap.

There were few things that drove my father crazy like people taking his tools and not putting them back where they found them.

You’d grab a pair of tin snips or a screwdriver to do something stupid — as twelve-year-old boys are apt to do — and leave them on the floor of the garage. Invariably, he would find it there and be very, very unhappy.

A man will end up with a collection of tools he’s accumulated over a life of fixing things or attempting to fix things. Many of them will be used just once, highly specialized stuff bought for some obscure task.

As a responsible father, it’s my job to get them started.