Conspiracy Theory #247

There was a story in the news last week that said exposure to BPA, a chemical commonly used in plastics, may cause erectile dysfunction.

That’s great: everybody is walking around with water bottles and now you tell us that plastic is making men wilty.

Is it merely a coincidence that the explosion in the bottled water industry parallels the skyrocketing growth of drugs used to treat erectile dysfunction? Imagine instead that the water bottles are being used as a delivery system for BPA. The plot? Immerse American men in BPA, inflict erectile dysfunction, and then sell them drugs to fix it.

Twenty-five years ago bottled water was something you saw in five gallon jugs sitting on top of water coolers. Sure, you could buy stuff like Perrier and Evian, but that was from Europe and viewed as sort of foreign and effete. Then one day bottled water was suddenly everywhere. This may have been the work of brilliant entrepreneurs who figured out you’d pay big money for tap water —or something more sinister.

There you have it: an entire generation of well-hydrated but under-achieving men. This is John Grisham stuff. If I suddenly disappear off the street you’ll know it had something to do with the secret alliance between Big Pharma and the bottled water cartel.

9 thoughts on “Conspiracy Theory #247

  1. In reading about that, the problem was mainly in China at plants where there were immense ammounts of BPA exposure. Bottled water levels were no threat. However, have you noticed the rise in Siggs? I used to have to search these out and order them… now they are everywhere.. seriously Old Navy carries a line! Maybe the bottled water companies are now in cahoots with the reusable container companies, who use Sheryll Crow as a spokesperson (didn’t she say plastic bottles gave her cancer?), who are all in cahoots with the drug companies!

  2. Yes, the study was done in China —but who am I to let the facts get in the way of a good story? I used to work in TV, you know 😉

    As for Siggs, those I like. It’s like carrying around a canteen.

  3. ..and don’t those pills come in plastic bottles.. I mean,I’m guessing they do.. not that I have any, you know, first hand knowledge..

  4. Excuse me, people: I signed a terms of service agreement with the HEARST CORPORATION guaranteeing that there would be no sexual innuendo on this blog.

  5. I don’t know exactly why, but every time I read “sexual innuendo” I think about the answer to the Newlywed Game question about the most unusual place you ever made whoopie.

  6. It’s all plastics days, except when it’s all ball bearings.
    But seriously, folks, follow the money… who stands to make profits off of distaff discontent? The silicon industry.

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