Down With the Sickness

Two gallons of hand sanitizer didn’t stop me from getting sick, so as a public service to Times Union readers I’d like to give you a little rundown on how to know if you have the flu.

First, expect some aches and pains. Think of how you’d feel after falling down a flight of stairs —then imagine that the stairs are lined with people hitting you with sticks on the way down. And at the bottom is a guy who squeezes your head in a vise.

Also, gastrointestinal distress is fairly common. It’s like the flu gets inside your body and orders all the food to leave as quickly as possible. This can mean vomiting or diarrhea. Or both. Simultaneously. I was fortunate to only have one of these. Let’s just say the food decided to rush out the back door instead of the entrance.

I’m sorry, was that too much information?

So what do you do if you have the flu? Stay home from work or school. It’s actually sort of refreshing to call in sick when your actually sick, not just pretend sick.

Stay in bed or lay on the couch and watch movies. I watched the 2004 remake of Dawn of The Dead twice, once with the director’s commentary. Seeing all those zombies makes you recognize that there are worse things you could have than the flu —even if you feel like you want Ving Rhames put you out of your misery zombie style.

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