Free Advice for Talk 1300!

It’s not easy breaking the talk radio addiction. I don’t actually learn anything and it just makes me angry — worse yet, sometimes it almost makes me want to pick up the phone and call in. Dear God, help me!

So, instead of knocking talk radio I’d like to help talk radio by making it better, and that’s why I’m starting a business as a talk radio consultant. To help drum up clients, I’m offering one free consultation. Today’s is for Paul Vandenburgh at Talk 1300.

Hey, Paul! How’s it going? Congratulations on hiring Al Roney. That was smart!

Listen, no hard feelings on you calling me a slug, a creep, and a punk. Water under the bridge — but we need to talk about your insistence on calling NY State Attorney General and gubernatorial candidate Andrew Cuomo,  “Andy.”

Yes, I’m sure there are people who call him Andy — and true, a few media reports sometimes use the informal version of his name — but when you do it over and over again, day after day, well… it just sounds dumb.

And none of us want you sounding dumb, Mr. Vandenburgh!

I understand that it probably feels funny when it comes out of your mouth. Who hasn’t said something we think is funny that wasn’t? It’s pretty obvious why you’re doing it, because — with all due respect to the Andys out there — you’re trying to trivialize Cuomo. Rather like the way you always call Hillary Clinton “Mrs. Clinton.”

However, to give you an idea of how ridiculous it sounds, just imagine someone calling Andy Rooney of 60 Minutes, “Andrew Rooney.” Crazy, right?

You know, this is sort of like back in 2004 when you kept calling assault victim Joan Porco, Momma Porco. That was genuinely cringe inducing!

So, to summarize: stop saying “Andy Cuomo” and start sounding smarter today! I’ll be in touch with more information about how my business can help yours.

12 thoughts on “Free Advice for Talk 1300!

  1. OK, the Andy thing was bad enough (and it sounds so stupid when anyone does that) but Momma Porco? That’s unforgiveable. You just made me doubly glad that the only talk radio I listen to is The American Heathen on the internet.

  2. Poor Joan. What a crappy thing to refer to her as, after everything she’s been put through.

    And yeah, “Andy Cuomo” just sounds ridiculous.

  3. Kevin: We should call him Roberto, then, in total Beck style, accuse him of being not being a proper US citizen.

  4. I once, and only once, called into the a-hole when he was working at WROW. Doing so gave me the opportunity what too few of the poor souls he routinely skewers have the right and the reason to do…. I hung up on him while he was in mid-rant.
    A delightful feeling and he was pissed enough to spend a lot of the show’s remaining time about how he wanted me to call him back.
    No, Paul Von Hindenburgh, you bloated gasbag. One and done was more than you were ever worth.

  5. Paul Vandenburgh is in a tough spot. Ideologically, he despises the Times Union’s editorial position (you know, the “socialistic, communistic, touchy feely” stuff). However, his morning show, the “news” operation, basically his entire local talk radio platform, desparately needs the TU news stories to provide material for programming. Vandenburgh’s show could not exist without the TU’s reporting.

    If he didn’t regurgitate the TU’s news stories, all of Talk 1300’s programming would be nothing more than infomercials for his lawyers, stock brokers, car dealers and gun salesman (right now it’s only 90 % infomercials). Only in America…

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