Holy Exploding Christmas Tree Bulbs!

WTF! There on the living room wall was a big red stain, like somebody hurled a glass of wine at the Christmas tree and missed. Who would do such a thing?

Before I started accusing people of reckless anti-holiday hijinks, I noticed something odd: one of the bubble lights on the tree had stopped bubbling — and in fact its glass tube was bone dry. You know these bubble lights. The cheesy old-school ornaments have been around forever.

My wife thinks they’re dreadful, but the warm glow and bubbling bubblyness brings back fond childhood memories of Christmas past.

It seems that the tube blew its top and the liquid squirted out all over the wall like Old Faithful. According to Wikipedia, these things are filled with dichloromethane, noted for its low boiling point and use “as a paint stripper and a degreaser.”

I got a rag and tried to wipe off the stain, but nothing would work. Nice. The red dye is stubborn stuff — and because the ornaments come from China, it’s probably the same toxic brew that they use to paint our kids’ toys.

A more sensible person would remove all these things from the tree, but instead I went out and bought some more. What are the holidays without a little danger?

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