Sad Sack (or, should your kid wear a cup to school?)

The Poynter Institute, think tank and school for journalists, has a regular column on its website that offers hot story ideas for local TV news. They even give you examples of how stations have covered the subjects. Maybe this is one of the reasons newscasts look the same everywhere.

Today’s piece really caught my attention: Boys Injured by ‘Sack Tapping’ Game. What’s that all about? It seems that teenage boys are going around striking each other in the testicles. Not gently, either; these are more like sack smacks than sack taps.

Don’t get me wrong: there’s nothing funny about having your sack tapped — in fact, it can be EXTREMELY painful. And apparently, also dangerous. Here’s a story from KARE 11 in the Twin Cities:

Another station actually conducted a “ball tapping” survey to assess the seriousness of the problem.

I suppose it’s just a coincidence that these stories show up during sweeps. Since I used to write promos, I couldn’t resist taking a swing at this topic:

YOUR TEENAGER IS AT RISK.

NOT FROM DRUGS OR GANGS — BUT A NEW DANGER THAT REALLY HITS HIM WHERE IT HURTS.

(INSERT VIDEO OF VICTIM SCREAMING IN PAIN)

IT”S  CALLED SACK TAPPING — AND IT TARGETS YOUR SON WHERE’S HE’S MOST SENSITIVE.

(INSERT ANOTHER CLIP OF SACK TAPPING VICTIM)

SACK TAPPING! IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES — UNTIL SOMEONE LOSES A TESTICLE.

TONIGHT AT ELEVEN ON (INSERT STATION HERE).

Drop me an email if you want to use this script. I work cheap.

13 thoughts on “Sad Sack (or, should your kid wear a cup to school?)

  1. I peed myself reading this. I tip my hat to your sack tapping awareness campaign.

  2. Ok. So you’re supposed to be taking a serious tack on this asinine trend in adolescent behavior, is that what I’m to understand?
    Then you follow up your serious tone with your faux-promo. Seriously, is the Times Union paying you for this? You’re an idiot.

  3. Jon: It’s true that I may be an idiot, but no, the Times Union is not paying me for this. Maybe that makes me an even bigger idiot? 😉

    I don’t know if it’s actually a serious problem, but I do know that the media seizes on things like this to get ratings. That’s the only reason stories like that are on TV, to get folks to watch.

    I would be willing to bet that many more teens are injured by kids throwing objects like bottles and rocks. Why no stories about that? Because it’s not sexy.

    So, Jon, sorry if my nonsense is too subtle for you. Not everybody gets me.

  4. Comparing a ruptured testis to a laceration caused by a thrown object is stupid and very offensive to the men and boys who’ve been victims of serious testicular injuries. Anyone who has a sound knowledge of the Human anatomy knows that the testes are generative organs and the endocrine glands responsible for producing over 95% of a man’s testosteone. An injury like this has the potential to not only jeorpardise a man’s fertility, but it has the very strong prospect of inhibiting testosterone production. Low levels of testosterone in men can increase their risk of developing coronary disease and osteoporosis; impaired cognition, mood swings, difficulty concentrating, lack of motivation, depression and memory loss can arise; lowered sexual drive and an inability to maintain an erection are possible and, decline in body hair, muscle mass and an increase in body fat do arise. Victims of testicular abuse can contract post traumatic stress disorder and other social phobiaso. Please don’t marginalise the issue by comparing it to throwing bottles.

    Based on this, it’s fair to conclude that nly murder, disfigurement and crippling injuries are worse than testicular abuse.

  5. Chris: Thanks for the helpful information about testicular injuries.

    It’s unfortunate that movies and other pop culture depict blows to the testicles for humorous effect. If more people knew the truth, maybe it wouldn’t seem so funny.

    Interestingly, the people who laugh at this are principally men.

    However, I never compared injuries involving thrown objects to testicular injuries. I said that those types of injuries are probably more common. I should have added that vision loss, head injury, and permanent disfigurement sometimes result from these incidents.

  6. Usually when I “hit the sack”, it means I’m going to bed. Chris Key needs to lighten up a bit.

  7. Wasn’t this one of the things the Schenectady school janitor / bomber was accused of doing? He’s no teenager.

  8. “Victims of testicular abuse can contract post traumatic stress disorder and other social phobiaso”

    This is now my permanent facebook status. Sorry, Rob, no link without $.

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