Sewercide

Yes, some of you are plagued by irrational fears. Heights, confined spaces, flying, dogs, birds, spiders. There are scores of things that terrify people — and you can read about them all on the Internet. The oddest one I found is genuphobia, which is a fear of knees.

My irrational fear is not on the list: I worry about dropping my keys down the sewer.

This may sound a bit wacky, but whenever I’m near a sewer grate, I clutch my keys tightly in my hand or zip them inside my jacket.

It’s not like dropping your keys in the sewer is the end of the world. You’d call the department of public works and feel like an idiot while you watch them fish around in the muck. Most likely you’d want to tip those guys; I’d say twenty bucks would be appropriate.

But the sewer thing? It may have started when I was a kid.

Our poor little poodle, Dondi, was hit by a car an somehow ended up tumbling into the storm drain. As I remember it, my father lifted up the grate and went down to retrieve our lifeless dog. It was tragic — but we eased the pain by joking he’d committed “sewercide.”

Your brain makes crazy conections that nobody can understand. Is this one of them? I don’t know, but hold on to your keys, and keep the dogs away from the sewers.

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