Ski Report

The Empire Center says New York could save money by privatizing its ski areas.

Not so fast, reformerators.

I enjoy being part owner of the state’s three ski resorts. I had the opportunity to spend some time at one of my properties last week, Gore Mountain, and as one of the principal holders of the complex I have a few suggestions that will make the experience better for everyone.

The first thing we must do is deal with the skiers from New Jersey.

Walk through the parking lot and two-thirds of the cars are from the so-called Garden State. This has the effect of making it feel like Jersey Shore except colder and with more clothing.

While it may not be possible to ban people from New Jersey, we should tie lift ticket prices to residency. Charge Jerseyites more and discount tickets to New Yorkers. This would have the dual effect of discouraging them from coming and offering an incentive for New York skiers to stay in New York. Simple economics.

Another good idea would be to eliminate cell phones. I listened to third party conversations on both the Northwoods Gondola and a chair lift last week. There’s nothing more horrendous than hearing someone yack on their cell phone —trapped on a ski lift it’s enough to turn you homicidal.

Also, if you have more than one lift ticket hanging from your jacket we should throw you out. I realize that back in 1987 it was cool to leave a dozen expired tickets hanging from that over-priced jacket you bought at some New Jersey store. Today it makes you look like a tool.

Finally, a word about snowboarders. Yes, it’s awesome to plop down on the middle of the trail during your shred and smoke a doobie or whatever you’re doing, but please do that on the side of the trail. Many of us are not very skilled and it would be a terrible shame if we skied over you one of these days.

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