STFU Man to the Rescue

I love discussing the hypothetical zombie apocalypse, especially talking about which weapons and vehicles you would use to survive. What a geek — but a close second fave is the superpowers conversation.

Here’s how that goes: if you could choose, would you want the power to fly or be invisible? Superhuman strength or blinding speed? Shapshifting or x-ray vision? All of them have their pluses and minuses.

But I believe I have now decided on what superpower I would really want: the ability to make people STFU. Here’s how it would work: you could use your telepathic power to silence the obnoxious.

The best and most obvious use would be to literally make people STFU. Boorish louts who insist on having loud phone conversations in inappropriate places. STFU. Annoying co-workers. STFU. Teenagers who do not grasp their place in your world. STFU. Movie theatres? Goes without saying. STFU.

Talk about doing something heroic!

Naturally, you would only use this power for the good of mankind, eliminating behavior that everyone finds deplorable. I suppose a costume of some sort would be needed, right? No tights, please — but a cape might be nice.

It would be even better if you could squelch things like Facebook posts — especially during this election year —  but that might be asking too much. Even superpowers have their limits.

9 thoughts on “STFU Man to the Rescue

  1. It’s the phone calls that make me crazy. A-holes that sit at their desk and have loud conversations, often about things that are very personal and none of our business, so that everyone can hear how smart and important and outraged they are. Please, STFU Man, make them STFU.

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