Stop, Drop, and Poop

If you type the word “poop” into the search box on the right, you’ll come up with page after page of results. Dog poop, cat poop, picking up poop, stepping in poop, throwing poop, even eating poop. For the record, The eating poop post was about dogs eating cat poop.

But friends, this isn’t a story about dogs and cats, the poopers in this tale stand on two legs — and wear running shoes.

Stories about runners stopping along the way to lower their shorts and drop a load have been trending lately. mainly because they haven’t been smart about it.

Colorado Springs police seek runner who won’t stop pooping in front of a family’s house

School Superintendent Arrested for Repeatedly Pooping on High School Track

Maryland Man Facing Illegal Dumping Charge

I know a bit about pooping while running.

In my younger days, my body was geared in such a way that I’d regularly (no pun intended) get the intense urge to take a crap during my run. It was such an issue, that I’d always tuck a folded paper towel into my waistband for clean-up. Pro tip: Normal bathroom tissue doesn’t hold up well if it gets sweaty.

Unlike the people in these stories, I was always very discreet, and during most of the year it was dark out.

For some reason, the urge never overwhelms me anymore, but nonetheless, I’m always scouting private spots that would do in an emergency. Don’t get me wrong, this is not an endorsement of random al fresco pooping. The fact is, as much as you’d like to control your body, sometimes it will control you.

Oh, another tip: If you’ve gotta go, be stealthy. Cameras are everywhere these days, and this is not the sort of YouTube star you want to be.

7 responses to “Stop, Drop, and Poop

  1. have you stopped posting?

    • Dave, thanks for asking. No, I’ve been insanely busy. I’m taking an EMT refresher course, fully occupied at work, and up to my ass in yard chores. On top of that, we unwisely decided to hold a large party at our house tomorrow. I have half a dozen unfinished posts kicking around. My brain can only accommodate a certain amount of stuff, but I’ll be back to one or two a week!

  2. I hope not, although I’ll admit that this whole diatribe on covert pooping is a bit disconcerting – too much information.

  3. Only took 2 days for the first steaming piles to be left on the freshly paved Helderberg Rail Trail! Nice. Don’t people know that’s what the sidewalk on Fisher Boulevard is for?

    Assuming it wasn’t you…

  4. UPDATE: The school superintendent in the story I linked? He was forced to resign over this mess. In an earlier story, the NY Post referred to him as the “Pooperintrendent of Schools.

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