Keyboard Krumbs

Entries tagged as ‘control freakiness’

NFB

May 19, 2008 · No Comments

People at home were getting nervous —and they started in with the disclaimers. Zack or Ann would go, “This is not for your blog, but…” Or they’d do something funny and then warn me after that it better not show up on Keyboard Krumbs.

I will not have my home be a place where people are afraid to speak their mind. No one should worry that they’ll be ridiculed for asking a question or expressing themselves in any way. As for the blog, certain things are off limits. And this is why I have established the Not For Blog rule.

Under Not For Blog (NFB), everyone has a yellow flag which they may throw once a week, declaring something NFB. If they see me looking at them funny, or worse yet taking notes, the yellow flag can be used to negate my right to publish it on the blog.

Conversely, I have the right to overrule four NFB calls per month. This is exercised by throwing a red flag I keep tucked in my sock, Bill Belichick style. Weekly NFB declarations may not be carried over and accumulated, but I can use my four overrules any time I like and on anyone I wish. This brings into question the matter of strategy. Do you save your NFB overrules until the last week, or use them as you go along?

I’ve decided to save them because this keeps people on their toes. And since the end of the month is approaching, I’d advise everybody to think before opening their mouths.

Categories: Home · Kids · Marriage · The Internets
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Over the Top

March 31, 2008 · 6 Comments

Proper toilet paper installation.

I’m not sure washing my hands thirty-six times a day makes me obsessive compulsive. Nor do I think there’s anything wrong with organizing the items on the supermarket conveyor belt as seen in the attached diagram that I bring shopping on a laminated card. But Ann says the toilet paper thing is weird. I can’t abide the TP hanging wall side down, because it doesn’t look right —and after all, do you really want your toilet paper touching the wall? This is no trouble at home, where the family has been trained in proper toilet paper deployment, but sometimes you’ll go into other people’s homes and find that they have carelessly displayed the paper in the underhand position. If you see this, do what I do: just go ahead and change it. If you don’t believe I’d do that, invite me over. And while there, I’d be happy to show you the correct way to load your dishwasher.

Categories: Home · Modern Living
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