OK, folks, game over.
My new granddaughter is obviously the winner in the most beautiful baby ever contest, and until you can show me a prettier little thing, she’s the champ. I’m not going to post a picture here, so you’ll have to take my word for it — but God help you if I see you on the street. If you see me pulling out my phone, it’s all over.
Leading up to the birth of the world’s best baby, there was quite a bit of discussion over what we should be called as grandparents. According to the internet, these are some common choices:
Grandmothers: Nana, Grammy, Granny, Mimi, Gram, Nanny, Mamaw, Gran, Meme
Grandfathers: Grandpa, Papa, Grandad, Gramps, Pop-Pop, Poppy, Papaw, Pop, Pappy, Pepaw
Another website had extensive lists of names, including categories they describe as “trendy” and “playful.” These are worth a look, but I can’t imagine my wife being called Uddermudder.
They also list a bunch of ethnic names, and I quite like the Irish Daideo, which should be pronounced DADJ-yoh, but would probably end up as daddy-o.
So I’m just settling on Robert.
I know that seems a bit weird, but I think it would be funny. It would certainly turn some heads and raise questions. Imagine her saying, “I’m going to visit Grammy — and Robert.” People would be like, who the fuck is Robert?
Someday we’ll be at the playground, and she’ll say, “Robert, take me to Stewart’s for an ice cream cone.”
“Yes, your grace. Right away.”
It would give her a regal bearing when she addresses me, and that’s fine. After all, it’s inevitable that she will be my little princess, and I will do her bidding.