The Poop on Winter Dog Walkers

Every December the lawns in my neighborhood are decorated with more than electric reindeer and blow-up Santas: they are sprinkled with dog poop. It seems when the snow flies many people stop picking up dog crap. I have several theories about this:

1. The dog is not actually pooping on a lawn, it’s pooping on the snow. Dog walkers think that this forms a protective barrier over a homeowners grass. It doesn’t.

2. They are leaving it to pick up later. Everyone knows that frozen dog poop is a lot easier to bag than warm, steaming, fresh dog poop —but let me tell you, it does keep your hands warm.

3. People do not wish to soil their gloves. If you get dog crap on your hand you can just clean it off. Smear it on your glove and that glove will never seem the same, no matter how many times you wash it.

Don’t try telling me that they can’t see the dog poop because it’s so dark in the morning. If anything it’s much, much easier to spot against the white backdrop of the snow. It jumps out at you on even the darkest nights. Yikes!

There’s one other possibility: people are leaving it because it’s dark and they figure we can’t see them. Here’s some news for you: I get up very early and I can see you. Unless you want me to come by with my two dogs, please pick it up.

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