Theater Review

Some things are best sent to the recycle bin, like the review of my 12-year-old’s school theater production of “Beauty and The Beast.” I thought it would be really, really funny to write about the show as if reviewed by New York Times theater critic Ben Brantley:

Two act one numbers that should have been rousing show stoppers fell flat, casualties of weak singing and thoughtless direction. “Gaston,” the wildly funny paean to Belle’s vain and thickly dumb suitor, leaves many of its best jokes to wither and die on the vine, the victims of poor timing. “Be Our Guest,” a wry and spirited homage to Maurice Chevalier, is similarly disappointing, with many of its lyrics rendered unintelligible. It leaned on a series of costume reveals to wow the audience while ignoring the wit and charm its words. Even Shannon McShane, in her strong turn as Mrs. Potts, couldn’t save the doomed number.

And it went on like this for for six-hundred words. I showed it to Ann. “You know,” she said, “Not everyone gets your sense of humor.” C’mon, I explained. It’s parody. It’s not supposed to be ME writing, It’s as if it’s as if Ben Brantley came to the gymatorium and reviewed a kids theater production. Get it? It’s funny. She stared like I’d grown a third eye on my forehead. “Oh. Maybe Ben Brantley will go to the next PTO meeting.”

Point made —and all but what you see here was deleted. The show closed Saturday night, but I had nothing to do with it.