Vibrators and Gardening Clogs

Not big on catalogs, but sometimes you need something to read. You know, when you can’t stand up and you just grab for whatever is within reach. If you catch my drift.

Anyway, I was recently perusing the most recent catalog from Solutions, which promises, “Products that make life easier.”  In it are a mix of gardening and household gadgets, doo-dads, and decorative items. In short, crap. Attention Naomi Seldin.

But there on page 51 was something that nearly made me fall right off the toilet out of my chair: vibrators!

OK, I’ll admit it: just the mention of these items brings out the Beavis and Butt-Head in me, because after all, what man is not 14-years-old at heart? But finding them in the this homeware catalog was… well, surprising.

Yes, they use the thinly veiled descriptors one usually sees, like “personal massagers,” but the Solutions catalog makes no bones about what’s going on here.

On the very same page as the vibrators was a product that women might like to buy for their husbands: charcoal filters that you wear in your pants. It says that these neutralize odors when you, “just can’t control a gassy stomach.”

Next time I’ll remember to bring my book, or the latest Land’s End catalog.

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