What Women REALLY Want

I’m a lucky man who has a perfect marriage. Sometimes I wonder how I could be so fortunate to have my wonderful wife. Why would she want to be with me? Now I know.

The Mirror has published the definitive list of what women want — and gentlemen, this some outstanding news. Here’s their list:

  1. Has facial stubble
  2. Is a bit geeky
  3. Has a hairy chest
  4. Avid book reader
  5. Cries at soppy film
  6. Sings along to a song while dancing to it
  7. Grey hair
  8. Sweaty after workout
  9. Wears glasses
  10. Has a passion for sports

That’s me.

Regarding crying at the movies, it’s only at manly things like “Rudy” or “Brian’s Song” and that’s more sort of damp eyed than actual tears. Also, I’m not much of a singer or dancer, but after a couple of drinks I can do both brilliantly, even at the same time.  By the way — and talk about burying the lede — I don’t know how this didn’t make the list:

“More than half would be happier with a man who was soft and cuddly instead of toned and muscular.”

Well, this really changes everything, doesn’t it.

One caveat to you single guys: the polling company that conducted this research is based in the UK. It’s pretty cheap to fly to London in April, so wipe off your brow, put away the laptop, pull on your Jets jersey, and get your stubbly, bookish, nearsighted, sentimental, uninhibited, salt and peppery, hairy self down to the travel agent. Pronto.

15 thoughts on “What Women REALLY Want

  1. Before booking that flight, one must take into account that what many women say they want and what they really want/are actually attracted can be two different things.

    That said, as a Local Sex Symbol I should go down the list.

    1. “Has facial stubble.” Most of the time? Check.
    2. “Is a bit geeky.” I blog for free for a newspaper website. Check.
    3. “Has a hairy chest” Uncheck. I have a grand total of like six big boy hairs on my chest.
    4. “Avid book reader” Uncheck. Nearly not as much as I would like.
    5. “Cries at soppy film” Check. I cried when I saw “Up” and used to watch “Beaches” with my mother all the time. True story.
    6. “Sings along to a song while dancing to it” Check! I work it for the weekend while singing “Working for the Weekend”
    7. “Grey hair” Uncheck. But with how on edge I’ve been lately, that may change!
    8. “Sweaty after workout” Check! If you aren’t sweating, you’re doing it wrong.
    9. “Wears glasses.” I wear contacts. Half-check.
    10. “Has a passion for sports” Check. And YES, Mike Huber, Mixed Martial Arts is a sport despite what you and State Legislator Bob Reilly have to say on the matter.

  2. Brian’s Song. Big tearjerker. Likewise an unknown called “A Dog of Flanders.” I also cried at Blazing Saddles, but that was different.

    Every once in a while, I get the missus to uncork a big belly laugh, at which I’ll say, “Hey, chicks just want a guy who will make them laugh.”

    To which she says “Among other things,” but she will NEVER tell me what they are. I imagine it must be some super secret woman club thing.

  3. Oh, Amanada. Perhaps some day you will come to appreciate hairy, sobbing, sports fans who work up a good sweat while dancing below your window singing about their gray hair.

  4. Can we make reason #12 a BIG…………………………………………………………………………………..heart!

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