Water, Water Everywhere

MiaEverybody’s concerned about Hurricane Sandy and you can’t go five seconds without being reminded on how to prepare — but one thing in particular has stuck in my craw: stocking up on water.

It’s true that having water on hand is a good idea, but it largely depends on where your water comes from. If you rely on a well that uses electricity then you could have a problem if the juice goes out. But many people with a municipal water supply — like in the town where I live — are unlikely to have any trouble.

Without getting into the nitty gritty, my water does not move around by electricity, but by the pressure created by a water tower. As long as they keep the tower filled we’ll have water pressure. They don’t need to pump it all over, just up the tower — and there are generators in case of power failure.

Unless we have a gravity failure, we’ll probably have water.

Are there things that can go wrong? Of course — but losing water is very unlikely. Just try explaining this at home. My wife kept asking over the weekend if we should buy water and I kept saying no — until I finally gave in and went to Price Chopper at 5:30 this morning.

In the parking lot I met a man with a cart full of water. Did you leave a few bottles for me?

“Yeah, there’s a little left. You know, I’m only here because my wife is driving me nuts about having bottled water in the house. She doesn’t understand where our water comes from!”

I relieved him of his shopping cart — most of the carts in the corral were tied up so they wouldn’t scoot off in the wind — and hit the water aisle.

I went up to the night cashier, a Russian man who’s always the cashier when I go in there at odd hours. He looked into my cart.  “You have a lot of water.” He pronounced it “vawter.”

“Yes. My wife. We won’t need it, but this will make her happy. And I won’t have to listen to her go on about the water.”

He thought about that for a second. “Then that is a small price you are paying.”


Out Like a Lamb

The monster April Fool’s Day Nor’easter took a hard right and we were spared. Spend a moment to silently thank whatever higher power you thank when thanking higher powers.

And so it goes that March went out like a lamb.

This particular lamb is one I saw in MureÅŸ County in Transylvania, Romania. That was about a year ago, so no telling where she is now.

Snow, French Toast, and the Mob

“Hey. You ever go in the supermarket and see all those people buying crap because there’s snow coming?”

This was my same friend who explained how organized crime is behind New York’s construction of all those roundabouts. “You mean the bread and milk and eggs thing?”

“Yeah. You know who makes that happen?”

Uh-oh… here it comes.

“The mob. Everybody knows they control mozzarella cheese. What you don’t know is they’re all over eggs, milk… and bakeries.”

Wait a second. “But those sound like legitimate businesses…”

“They are! But here’s the thing: they get the weather guy on TV to say its going to snow like nuts, and all these people run out and buy things they don’t need. Look at this week. Weatherman says it’s gonna snow and everybody freaks out.”

“But how…”

“Payoffs. Extortion. Threats. Turn the screws on those guys and they’ll say anything. The mob’s got long arms. Forecast calls for two feet of snow, everybody runs to the store, and cha-ching.”


“Cha-freakin-ching, my friend. Cha-freakin-ching.”

It sounded plausible, but that was after a few drinks. Certainly something to think about the next time you make French toast on a snowy day.

About the Weather

The dogs have no complaints.

Stick your head outside. That low rumble you hear is not a plow approaching or snow shifting on the roof, it’s the sound of people complaining

I don’t know if there’s more meteorologist bashing than usual lately, but during these dreadful weeks in the height of winter it reaches a fever pitch.

So why all the weatherman bashing? Because we’ve been programmed to expect accuracy.

For years, local TV has promised that their guy is the smartest, most experienced, and best at forecasting the weather. Nobody knows your weather better than he does. And along with his merry team of meteorologists, he will protect you and your family from weather related death and mayhem.

Please refer to EXHIBIT A.

This makes the meteorologists a little uncomfortable. They will be the first to tell you that predicting the weather is not an exact science, and that there are many variables that can influence what happens.

The public doesn’t really get this, so conventional wisdom holds that they’re wrong all the time.

There’s a reason they call it a forecast and not a promise.