Important Advice For Men #54

Are you the sort of guy who appreciates spicy foods?

If you’re like me, you enjoy adding a little heat to your cooking, and there’s no better way to do that than with fresh hot peppers.

But be careful.

As I was preparing an omelet for dinner last night, I diced up some red pepper and onion, and then recalled that there was a jalapeno in the fridge. I pulled out the seeds and chopped it to tiny bits — and as the pan was heating up, I made a quick trip to the bathroom.

Soon thereafter there was a tingling sensation in my nether regions, and as my tender man parts began to burn, I realized immediately what happened: the fiery hot oils of the pepper rubbed off on a very bad spot, and I don’t mean my eyes.

Most of us learn from our mistakes, but this is not the first time I’ve been in this situation. Once it was so bad I had to get into the shower, which by the way, did not help.

Our advice today is to approach hot peppers with care. I’m accustomed to washing my hands after going to the bathroom, not before — but if you’ve been pepper handling, wash your hands before.


  • Do not touch your man parts after fooling with the insides of hot peppers.
  • Never touch the sensitive sections of other people.
  • Avoid changing babies if you have been working with hot peppers.

Now, go forth and enjoy your meal. Bon appétit!

14 thoughts on “Important Advice For Men #54

  1. I was making a stir fry one time with habenero peppers. I diced them up and put them in the frying pan. As they were frying away, I thought I must’ve cut my finger. So I put my tounge on my finger. Then my finger and tounge were numb. Then I realized what happened, so I washed my hands and drank milk, neither of which helped. Then I thought, “well I better NOT leave these peppers in the stir fry, they’re too hot.” So I take the cover off the pan while leaning over it…it was like getting hit with mace. My eyes teared up so I rubbed them, you guessed, with the same already numb finger….now I’m wandering around my kitchen, crying, swearing, sweating and coughing.
    After about 45 minutes of this hell, I ordered pizza.

  2. My husband did a habanero wing eating contest at a bar up the street from our house and he did not wear the gloves that were provided. He knew not to touch his face or his business. A few hours and multiple hand washings later he tried to take his contacts out. Apparently the habaneros oil gets into your skin…for a while. He had to wear his glasses for 3 days. Poor guy, all that for a t-shirt.

  3. Dear Gourmet:

    I am a freshman at a large northeastern university. One day, I was cooking with jalapenos and…

  4. Use sandwich bags as “gloves” when cutting up peppers… then you can touch any body part you wish!

  5. Gman: That must be an example of that “food porn” I keep hearing about.

    Roz: Actually, I have to be careful about raising my voice around one of the dogs; it freaks her out.

    Tony: That’s horrible.

    Glad to hear I’m not the only pepper casualty. Thanks to everyone for commenting.

  6. Dr. Pepper, don’t E-V-E-R let anyone con you into taking a bite out of one of those red-ripe, miniature, decorative, flower pot grown peppers that are about the size of the visible part of the scroll-wheel on your mouse! Just touching the leaves can make you uncomfortable. I think the name of the substance that causes the burning sensation is capsaicin.

    Tony wouldn’t agree with this, but here’re some suggestions to beat the heat. to Stop the Heat

  7. I haven’t done this with peppers . . . . . . . but I’ll note that when you rub China Gel (which is like Ben Gay, times ten) or similar muscle unguents on your sore back or legs after a strenuous workout, the same precautions regarding the man parts apply . . . . .

  8. P.S. If you’re hyper-allergic to poison ivy, then this same concept holds true if you’re out hiking in scrubby woods and/or riding horses who run through the stuff willy-nilly . . .

    But I’ll tell you about my honeymoon some other time . . .

  9. Tony, no fair making me laugh out loud when my boss is in the office with his door open and I sit outside it.

    Freddie, all throughout the whole entire four years of my marriage my uncle-in-law kept trying to convince me to try some kind of small red pepper. He’d laugh like a maniac when I didn’t fall for it and finally concede I was shrewd. I think, after a few times, he must have known I wouldn’t but liked the ritual.

    I hate peppers. Am I glad right now or what?

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