Roller Coaster Abuse

At the Great Escape yesterday, I wanted to see how many trips you had to take on The Comet before it started getting monotonous. The answer? Twelve.

It was early and there was no line, so it was on and off and on and off, front car, rear car, middle car, arms up, arms down, eyes open, eyes closed, and various combinations thereof.

I was supposed to be there as the responsible adult for my teenager and his friend, so I camped out at a picnic table and read a book. On my way to the bathroom, I nearly collided with a park worker dressed as the hated Mr. Six. The Six Flags “More Flags More Fun” commercials make me want to strangle someone; I had an urge to throw Mr. Six under the wheels of the Storytown Train, but instead just went back to my reading.

When my son was eight or nine we spent most of a day riding the Great Escape roller coasters over and over. It was September and crowds were light, so we rode every coaster as many times as we could. On the way home he was feeling woozy, and by bedtime had a headache. All I could think was, “Oh, my god! I’ve given my kid a roller coaster concussion!”

How am I going to explain this when my wife gets home from her trip out of town?

That night, I woke him up every hour to make sure he wasn’t exhibiting dizziness or confusion; since these are also the same symptoms you get from being woken up once an hour, diagnosis was complicated.

I decided the next day that he probably didn’t have any roller coaster brain damage, but whenever there’s a moody outburst or he forgets something, I start to wonder. Could this explain that grade he got in Spanish? We may never know.

14 thoughts on “Roller Coaster Abuse

  1. Like, seriously, nobody likes Mr. Six. Nobody. He is frightening, weird, and a potential predator. Six Flags’ insistence on continuing to use him is almost as confounding as the racist Japanese caricature they temporarily replaced him with a couple years ago.

    P.S. He didn’t do well in Spanish because this is America, buddy, and we speak American here.

  2. Trust me, every time I see Mr. Six I want to go find my vintage Ghost Town Deputy Marshal badges, hold on to them, rock back and forth and say, “it’s just temporary… it’s just temporary…” 🙂

  3. And here’s Cinderella in the Golden Coach! The horses’ hooves are thundering, the dust is flying, and she’s screaming, “More Flags? HOW ABOUT MORE-A THIS”

  4. ..ohhhh, i rode a lot of roller coasters in college- Does that explain my poor marks in Introduction to Philosphy of the Early 20th Century ? And if it doesn’t can we just say it does ?

  5. Put Mr. Six and Little bit ‘o luck in a pit and let them fight to the death.
    as for Coasters…I am MR. Motion Sickness….just reading about them makes me pukey.

  6. Possibly the only mascot worse than Little Bit O’Luck. It’s close but LBOL unrealistically has woman hanging all over him whereas Mr. 6 you half suspect calls himself that because he likes 6 year olds — waaay too much. Ewwww. Puts him even higher on the ick factor.

    Seriously, what are these copy writers thinking? I don’t want to meet them to find out. Definitely, don’t want my grandson with 500 miles of him. (Yeah, I know he is but let’s just say it doesn’t predispose towards taking him to 6 Flags.)

    “Put Mr. Six and Little bit ‘o luck in a pit and let them fight to the death.” Only if we can be fairly certain it’s a draw resulting in the demise of both of them.

    I don’t get it. I really don’t get the lure of thrill rides. But then I also don’t get: jumping out of a plane with a parachute; bungee jumping; white river rafting; cliff diving; or any sort of x-treme sport. I’m kind of a drag. Really.

    I like it that way. Boredom is way under-rated. What is peace but boredom? Pick up a book and read about someone else foolhardy enough to brave the Amazon rainforest or the South Pole. Way safer.

  7. Dear management of six flags — forget about Mr. Six.

    Send him down Bizarros drop without a harness on.

    Instead — they should be promoting their lovely season pass deals (70 bucks), or their greatest assest — x2 @ their flagship park; Magic Mountain.

    Rob — I rode Bizzaro 6 times in a row once and stumbled into a trash can after the 5th time. Note — I rode it six times. Im sure he’s fine. Thats the fun in it. Its like going to happy hour.

  8. Wooden coasters so have it over steel coasters, if only because of the physical abuse you take. Once rode the famous Hurricane in Myrtle Beach 8 times in a row, before having to get off because I felt like I had broken a rib. Unfortuntely, the park that houses the Hurricane is gone and I am not sure what happened to the coaster.

    Comet certainly does offer up some bruising of its own.

    Have you tried the wooden coaster at Six Flags New England?

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