Krampus Is Coming to Town. To Kill You

One of the nice things about Christmas is the leverage it gives you over your children. Holding Santa Claus over their heads is a time honored tool that really works.

“Knock it off or Santa won’t be coming!”

“What would Santa think of you not eating your broccoli?”

“Keep it up you’ll get coal in your stocking!”

And here lies the real reason we dread kids discovering the truth about Santa —not becasue it spoils the magic, but because we lose a great behavior modification tool. But while the Santa threat is effective, the Germans make us look like amatuers when it comes to Yuletide intimidation. Say hello to Krampus.

Krampus id coming to town to cast naughty children into the depths of hell.

In Germany Krampus is Santa’s evil sidekick who does the dirty work. You don’t expect Saint Nick to be nasty to children, do you? That’s why he’s a SAINT. But with Krampus all bets are off.

Krampus has been described as “A gruesome horned incubus” who beats the little ones with chains. From Wikipedia: “Images of Krampus usually show him with a basket on his back used to carry away bad children and dump them into the pits of Hell.”

Well, I’d say that being dumped into the pits of hell is a little worse than a lump of coal in your stocking, right?

The dark side of Xmas is very big in Europe. For example, in France children are threatened with a visit by Père Fouettard. Legend has it that Fouettard was an evil butcher who kidnapped and dismembered little children. Santa is said to have enslaved Fouettard and brought the children back to life. Now THAT is a Christmas story.

Now, fine people of Christmasland, some good news: Krampus is seeing a huge upswing in popularity —so much so that he showed up recently on the Colbert Report.

The Colbert Report Mon – Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
The Blitzkrieg on Grinchitude – Hallmark & Krampus
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog Video Archive

9 thoughts on “Krampus Is Coming to Town. To Kill You

  1. In time-honored tradition, every year little children write letters to Santa telling him what to bring in his sack, while their parents write to Krampus telling him who to take in his.

  2. Krampus? Pere Fouettard ? With childhood legends like that to ponder, Is is any wonder the Europeans came up with Hitler , Mussolini,
    Napoleon and Boy George

  3. The Traditions of the “Mendicant” or renunciant reach back well before more modern traditions of Saints, or Jewish Traditions for that matter… There were basically two divergent views… The one view that revered Power, intercession, authority, receiving gifts, etc. and then there was the renunciant, itinerant, giving of ones possessions tradition. Mendicants are from the latter. It’s hard to put a timeline on all this since it stretches so far back. But I’d guess at least 10,000 years to the earliest traditions referred to… but it probably goes back to the dawn of human civilization. “Santa Claus” the Archetype is alive and well… and older than most imagine.

  4. Makes sense to me. To create great leaders and fantastic displays of strength you need a little of both fear and encouragement. A fear of failure keeps a perfectionist at the top. A fear of some kind of failure at least. Perhaps not the failure you’re thinking.

    Case in point: I moved here 3 years ago from California after having had lived there for 8 years. I learned to drive there. I’ve gotten nothing but encouragement in trying. Nice, but along with accomplishment comes pain. Always. Whenever I can’t accomplish something I should be able to accomplish I usually go try to do something else for a minute. Pick up something I know I can accomplish and do that. I’ll run on empty trying to do it.

    Someone, after three years, finally gave me a better idea on what to do about my fear seeing as I’m still freaked out. Go to a big, empty parking lot after it’s snowed and when it’s really icy. Do donuts for a few minutes. For three years, people have been sitting and giggling at the stumbles and encouraging me. Useless. One piece of real, live actual advice? Thanks.

    I gaped in horror for a moment thinking, “Good Christ I’d be absolutely terrified – I can’t do something like that” My point was argued with “Yea, but if you know what it feels like to lose control of your car in the conditions you won’t be so afraid anymore.”

    Don’t we all take the good with the bad? Why wouldn’t we prep our children for the real world in the same way? It’s good and it’s bad. Really awesome things happen. So do really crappy things.

    Satan’s been around just as long as Santa.

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