My Morning Meeting with the Pets

I learned a long time ago that communication is the key to being an effective manager, so I make a point of having a daily meeting with the pets.

It’s a good time to talk about what’s going on, make announcements, and air out any outstanding issues. Here’s a transcript of yesterday’s session:

June 8, 2010
Attendees: Rob Madeo (Admin), Scarlett and Maddy (Dog Department), Maggie, Maeve, Mia (Cat Bureau).

Rob: Good morning, thanks for coming. First of all, Maddy, if you don’t mind, let’s see if we can rein in this thing with the socks. It’s OK to carry them around and play with them, but I’ve found some recently with holes in them…

Maddy: Sorry about that.

Rob: No problem, but it would be a good idea to keep that under control if possible.

Next on the agenda, I’d just like to address the rumors that have been circulating around the house about a change in policy. You need to know that I’ve taken a new position on pet ownership. After some soul searching, I’ve decided that it’s not ethical to keep house pets. I’m going to devote my blog to explaining why people should not keep cats and dogs. Pet ownership contributes to a system of abuse and neglect, irresponsible breeding, overpopulation, and other issues. Reducing the demand for pets will help solve some of the problems. Questions?

Scarlett: That’s good news, Rob. How will it change things for us?

Rob: Well, I’m happy to say it won’t change things at all. We’ll all continue to go on the way we usually do.

Scarlett: But if you find pet ownership abhorrent, how can you continue to keep us here?

Rob: Abhorrent is a strong word. I think when weigh the value of what I plan to do with my blog against the reality of what we’ve got going on here in the house, you’ll agree it’s the right thing to do. This isn’t about us, it’s about changing the way people think. And let’s face it, if I’m not your owner, someone else will be. We need to think of the good we’ll be doing for other dogs and cats.

Scarlett: You don’t think that makes you a hypocrite? Telling people not to keep pets while keeping them yourself?

Rob: I understand where you’re coming from, but I’d really appreciate your co-operation on this. We all need to pull together and do what’s best for the household. And it would be great if we could all try to keep a positive attitude.

Any other questions?

Maggie: Yes. If you care so much about animals, how about changing the litter?

Rob: Thank you, Maggie, I’ll get right on that. I can always count on you to help us keep our priorities straight.

40 thoughts on “My Morning Meeting with the Pets

  1. Look at those gorgeous faces!! I also have a calico girl. She’s the boss of the house. I imagine the one dog is part Bernese, but I’m not an expert on dogs. Stunning creatures!!

  2. “B”‘s rant-of-the-day topic is “Deflection”. I think he stole a blog header from you. So close to the bone it’s utterly hilarious. I’m gonna go read this to Teri’s donkeys. They’ll laugh so hard the braying will be audible on Madison Avenue.

  3. When my pets converge and have a meeting like that, all they say is “canned cat food please.” Even the dog cleans the plates after the cats.

  4. love it, thanks for the laugh.

    BTW, I refuse to head over there and read, even to defend all my “friends”. You know I support you by continuing to read and comment on your blogs.

  5. I imagine that PB (heretofore known as Peanut Butter) will castigate your feline friends for their carnivorous ways, even though they have no choice.

    Great post! Very funny!

  6. Supporting the processed meat/dairy industry while claiming to be an “ethical” vegan is certainly hypocritical enough. But being so staunch in one’s position that no one should own any pets, at all, ever, while at the same time owning dogs, is just further proof of the hypocrisy.

  7. HopeFul: I get out as much as my role as manager will allow.

    A.M.: If your speaking of our vegan friend, yes, he’s said on his blog that he has dogs — but these are dogs from the shelter, so that makes everything OK.

    Thanks to everyone else who’s read. Meanwhile, I’m holding my breath and waiting to be attacked by the satire impaired.

    And click here for a larger picture of my animal slaves.

  8. “A.M.: If your speaking of our vegan friend, yes, he’s said on his blog that he has dogs — but these are dogs from the shelter, so that makes everything OK.”

    No, it doesn’t. Not in the real world anyway.

    BTW – I don’t have any vegan friends! 😉

  9. Rob,

    You have inspired me. After reading this entry on your blog, I decided to have a pet meeting also.

    We have no dogs and only one cat so I knew the meeting was going to be short.

    Well we got together and I said “OK, who would like to begin?”

    The cat raised his paw and said “Who gave you the authority to call a f**kin’ meeting?”

    The meeting was then over and I’m pretty sure the cat farted as he left the room.
    I don’t think this is gonna work in my house.

  10. Well, now you’ve done it! You just had to go and let the whole world know that you are having daily meetings with the pet faction of the household.

    Egads, man do you realize the can of worms you have opened for the rest of us?????

    I tried the “fair and open” approach with my birds and they just laughed at me. When I tried to delicately and diplomatically approach the whole “pooping anywhere they please when they are out of their habitats (cages) has to stop” conversation it just got downright ugly and hostile.
    After combling the seed husks out of my hair and cleaning up the cracked corn from around the meeting room, I realized that democracy just cannot work in a pet-shared household. Sad but true.

    That being understood by all involved, I withdrew to my habitat (bedroom) and scanned the sales flyers for cheap cleaning supplies while the muted sounds of giggling and pooping birds filtered in from the other room.

    Learn from my lesson……

  11. I don’t have meetings with the cats anymore. They just leave a note on the refrigerator every morning with my orders for the day.

  12. By the by, Robby my boy, I was tempted to jump into that fascinating discussion that occurred as a result of your response to Patrick on your blog. Unfortunately, as I was typing my response to one of his comments, I came across a brick wall and directed my conversation and comments towards it instead. I figured my chances were much better trying to reason with brick and mortar.

  13. Donald: You can’t do it in a memo, they’ll just make fun of it when your not around, forward it to their friends, etc.

    Kevin: I really didn’t mean for that whole thing to get so out of hand, especially in terms of the comments. Pat Battuello urges us to look inward, and that’s good advice.

    I tried looking inward, and after some introspection, I don’t know if my brain is big enough to justify the practice of peddling cheese and meat while loudly condemning its production and consumption.

  14. I’ve tried having those kind of discussions with my two cats and dog. They look at me, nodding their heads in agreement, and then do the exact opposite of what we just talked about. Too funny.

  15. Well, I followed the links through to PB’s and posted a couple of comments. It’s a safe bet they’re not going to make it past moderation. But I’m used to that on the TU blog. (The moderators at Capitol Confidential aren’t very fond of me either.)

    This meeting was hysterical. But, man, the fur is flying elsewhere.

  16. Donna H: Yesterday, Pat’s rebuttal, titled Deflection, had twelve comments. Then it had ten. And as of this writing it has seven. Somebody beter call the TU and tell them there’s a leak and all the comments are spilling out. Mine was among those that disappeared.

    He took issue with saying he has “a casual relationship with comments,” but he continues to edit responses to manipulate the tone of the conversation.

  17. He deleted mine asking if he thought about using locally grown-humanely produced meat/cheese product; as well as his reply that he has given it thought and attempts to when he can. I don’t know why he deleted it – it actually gave him credibility.

  18. I suggested that he climb down off the crucifix, as it had been done before.
    I also opined that bloggers like yourself and farmchick were far easier to deal with because the two of you, unlike Saint Patrick, are honest and because you don’t take yourselves quite so seriously.
    Never made it to the page for some reason. ‘s ok, just don’t go getting a swelled head over this outpouring of support. Consider the level of competition.

  19. Nope, not a one of my comments made it through. Guess he didn’t like me saying that he values animals over kids and money over animals. (That’s the short version; I swear I didn’t use any cuss words, really I didn’t. I wanted to but I refrained. The farmchick seems to be teaching me some patience and substitute words.)

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