If there’s one good thing about this coronavirus mess, it’s the way that it’s brought us together. That’s ironic considering how we’re being told to stay away from one another.

But let me ask you a question: Did you expect this thing with the toilet paper?

You’d think that certain food staples would be scooped off the shelves, but now we know that people are more concerned about wiping their ass than they are about eating.

This turns everything upside down, including what we know about dealing with a crisis. And zombies.

In The Walking Dead, you sometimes see the characters foraging for food and weapons, but toilet paper? Never. I argue therefore, that the Walking Dead is not realistic, because people are not obsessed with toilet paper. Yes, I know, the whole thing about people coming back from the dead is also unrealistic — but the toilet paper!

Art imitates life, so zombie stories will probably start including some toilet paper sub-plots, and you know what, it’s something we’ll all relate to.

Meanwhile, continue to ration and wipe with care. Me? I’m waiting for the bidet I ordered from Home Depot. The key to survival is self-sufficiency.

8 thoughts on “Wipeout

  1. Being from South Carolina, I totally expected it . . . it’s a running joke down there that whenever something ominous approaches, all the locals make a run to the store and hoard all of the toilet paper, milk, and sandwich bread. Even the thread of a rare inch or two of snow down there is enough to wipe the shelves (pun intended), so this is like that, times a gazillion or so . . .

    Hope you are yours are safe and healthy!!!

  2. What gets me every time is the run on bottled water. Trust me, if the municipal water system fails, then end times are upon us with certainty.

    Me and my installed bidet are counting on it.

  3. On Friday I got “furloughed” from my job because of what is going on in the world.
    On Saturday I got the call I have been waiting for from Social Security.
    I can now retire if I want to. I’m so excited. When I get called back I will go part time under my terms or not at all.

    1. It depends. Curbside? Yes, tip.
      You go in and get it? Not necessary.
      Most important, if it feels good, do it.

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