Random Notes

GOTTA SERVE SOMEONE Zack surprised us on the way out of Mass Sunday, announcing that he’d like to be a lector someday. We were really impressed by this because we’ve worked so hard to keep him interested in church. I was halfway to the car before I realized why he was suddenly so keen on getting involved —and it had everything to do with first reading, Zechariah 9:9-10:

See, your king shall come to you; a just savior is he, Meek, and riding on an ass, on a colt, the foal of an ass.

Like every 12-year-old, he just wants to say ass in church.

ON THE INTERNET, NOBODY KNOWS YOUR A DOG I don’t really have time for it, but I’ve gotten myself involved in another online project: Dog 365. For the next year, I will post one picture a day of Scarlett, the Australian Shepherd who can’t manage to keep her tongue out of my mouth. I’d like to tell you that this is some sort of satire about the relationship we have with our pets, but like a lot of things I’ve done online, I didn’t really put that much thought into it.

POST TIME Madeo couldn’t quite get it done at the May 24 Alydar Stakes, losing by a neck to long shot Trevor’s Clever. His owners and trainer continue to have high hopes for the three-year-old, who’s entered in Saturday’s $350,000 Swaps Stakes at Hollywood Park. Madeo won’t be the favorite this time. Among the entries are Kentucky Derby horse Colonel John, who will likely head to The Travers if he wins this race. Does that mean Madeo could end up in the Travers if he wins? Not likely, especially considering he’s never run on dirt.

Face Time

I’m not the oldest person on Facebook, but I’d guess I’m in the top 5%. At my age, it’s nice to know you’ve made it to the top 5% in something. Anyway, I joined up because I read that I needed to take control of my “personal brand identity” and that Facebook is one of the essential tools. I think what they mean is that you need to keep a grip on what people find when they search your name. And what they don’t find. And what I didn’t want found was my running times.

After almost 15 years of running, I’m still not one of those sleek, fast people who look natural doing it. I never will be. That’s OK, but since everything’s on the web these days, my race results were right at the top of my online life. Was that bad? Probably not. Most normal people would find running in races a positive thing. But runners? No, they would look at it is and say, “He’s, SLOWWW. VERRRY slow. Look at THIS: a 1:28 15K! And, oh my God: a FIVE HOUR marathon!” Yeah, five hours. Worst five hours of my life.

For better or worse, I’ve pretty much buried the slow race results behind all the other crap I’m doing online. But I’m not sure it worked out the way I wanted. And look at it this way: five hours is a long time, but I was out there running for two-and-a-half hours longer than the winner, right? That’s gotta count for something.

Neighbor To Neighbor

It’s official: my piece about the Bethlehem Soccer Club’s cool new eagle logo was a hit! Here’s what readers of the Times Union’s Bethlehem Blog had to say:

“As a Bethlehem resident and as a player in the Bethlehem soccer club for the last 15 years I find it absurd and troubling that you would point this out.”
“You are not too bright.”
“Hereâ€™s a little bit of advice for you, next time before you write you might wanna think a little bit.”
“Maybe you should spend less time criticizing others that are volunteering their time to help your child, and more time raising your child.”
“Do you have anything better to do with your time?”

I was also called ignorant. Twice. Anyway, as you can see from this picture, kids in Bethlehem -like this unidentified child- are wild about the new logo and have fully embraced its deeper meaning.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Keyboard Krumbs did not conceive, assist in the production, or solicit the creation of the accompanying photo.

Poop Toss

When Zack was little we had a wonderful woman come to the house and watch him every day. Sylvia was in her sixties and she was as sweet and nice as could be. It meant a lot that we could have him stay at home, and we always felt that he was in good hands.

One day Sylvia brought over a little rake so Zack could get out back and make like he was doing yard work. It was the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. Then me and Alex found another use for the rake.

I don’t know how, but we discovered you could scoop up dog poop with the little rake, and wielding it like a lacrosse stick, hurl it over the fence against the barn next door. It would strike with a thud. What we found especially delightful was when it stuck to the wall of the barn. This depended on a number of factors, including temperature and freshness.

Did Zack tell her what we were doing or did she put two and two together, noticing the poop on the rake and the poop on the wall? We’ll never know, but when Sylvia found that we were using Zack’s little rake to catapult crap from the yard, it didn’t go over real well. She wasn’t crazy about Alex, so it didn’t matter to him, but after that things were never quite the same between me and Sylvia.

What’s the point? I’m not sure, but nine years later it still makes me feel bad. She did something special, and in turn, we did something stupid —and if it weren’t too late to apologize, I would.

NFB

People at home were getting nervous —and they started in with the disclaimers. Zack or Ann would go, “This is not for your blog, but…” Or they’d do something funny and then warn me after that it better not show up on Keyboard Krumbs.

I will not have my home be a place where people are afraid to speak their mind. No one should worry that they’ll be ridiculed for asking a question or expressing themselves in any way. As for the blog, certain things are off limits. And this is why I have established the Not For Blog rule.

Under Not For Blog (NFB), everyone has a yellow flag which they may throw once a week, declaring something NFB. If they see me looking at them funny, or worse yet taking notes, the yellow flag can be used to negate my right to publish it on the blog.

Conversely, I have the right to overrule four NFB calls per month. This is exercised by throwing a red flag I keep tucked in my sock, Bill Belichick style. Weekly NFB declarations may not be carried over and accumulated, but I can use my four overrules any time I like and on anyone I wish. This brings into question the matter of strategy. Do you save your NFB overrules until the last week, or use them as you go along?

I’ve decided to save them because this keeps people on their toes. And since the end of the month is approaching, I’d advise everybody to think before opening their mouths.

The Eagle Has Landed

I’m no designer but there’s something about this logo on Zack’s new soccer shirt that’s a little troubling. Hmmm…what could it be? Oh, I know: it reminds me of something from NAZI GERMANY.

I’m sure that’s not the effect the Bethlehem Soccer Club was after, but there’s no denying that it has a very Teutonic feel. This graphic is a direct reference to the coat of arms of Germany, and it’s especially similar to the eagle used by their federal government. OK, fine. However, showing the eagle above a circular image, just as the Nazis displayed the eagle over a wreathed swastika, is maybe a little creepy.

Bethlehem’s teams are known as the eagles, and you have to admit, that’s one cool eagle. When I was ten me and my friends would draw pictures of World War II battles, complete with all sorts of swastika emblazoned flags and airplanes. We loved anything to do with World War II, and we would have found that logo extremely cool.

Images are powerful, and certain images carry a lasting connotation. If I showed you that eagle without the soccer ball, what would you think? And from a marketing and advertising perspective, I’m not sure that’s the icon you would pick to symbolize your company or organization.

The Thursday Thing

Winner’s Circle: Madeo shot out of the final turn yesterday, coming from behind to take a narrow victory in the 7th race at Hollywood Park (AP story here). He paid $8.20. After we watched the race, Zack says, “That was great! This is what we should do when there’s no football on.” Uh, oh…

What Not To Eat: I was totally interested in having Chinese food tonight until I read this. And I thought eating dogs in Korea was bad. Olympic travellers beware!

iPod Playlist: I’ve been obsessively listening to this song “I Will Possess Your Heart” by Death Cab For Cutie. By obsessive I mean like over a hundred times this week. Death Cab frontman Ben Gibbard writes in Paste Magazine: “The song is basically about a stalker. It’s about this nice guy who wants this girl he can’t have, and he believes they’ll be together once she realizes how great he isâ€”he just has to wait it out.” Wow. That sounds just like me and Ann.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pq-yP7mb8UE&hl=en&color1=0x006699&color2=0x54abd6]

10 Horse In the 7th

Madeo runs in the 7th race Wednesday at Hollywood Park with Mike Smith taking the mount. You may recall Smith from a little race called the Kentucky Derby, where in 2005 he took 50-1 long shot Giacomo to the winner’s circle. Or his Preakness victory in 1993. Or those ten Breeder’s Cup wins. Oh, by the way: Smith is slated to ride Arkansas Derby winner Gayego in the big one Saturday at Churchill Downs.

I’ve said before that betting on names is for suckers, but how can you say no to this one? Marjorie Madeo, my French Facebook friend, tells me that the word madeo means cool in the Breton language, which is spoken in parts of Brittany. That settles it, wouldn’t you say?

Approximate post time 7:25 on the east coast, so hit OTB on the way home.

14-67-7

Yeah, that’s my record as a soccer coach.

When Alex was six I went to sign him up for soccer. When I was a kid, nobody played soccer, at least no Americans -but this was 1996, and in 1996 American kids played soccer. Everything went well until I got to the volunteer table. “How’d you like to coach,” they asked. Coach? I told them I didn’t know the rules or the positions. Or exactly how the game is played. “That’s not a problem. You’ll learn.”

So I got a video from the library and watched the whole thing twice, taking notes on drills and writing down bits of jargon. I went to Dick’s and got myself a whistle and a soccer ball. And cleats.

At the first practice my two assistant coaches saw the cleats and whistle and figured me for an expert. I wasn’t about to tell them otherwise. The parents were asking questions, but not about about soccer, all they wanted to know was if we had a popsicle schedule. The kids were out of control. It was chaos, but as unqualified people everywhere know, enthusiasm is a good substitute for skill. So I got enthusiastic.

By the end of the season I was suspicious that the player selection had been rigged. Every other team had a couple of highly skilled kids who held things together. My team? They were prone to daydream and run in packs —and there wasnâ€™t a decent goalie in the whole bunch. We lost every week but everyone played, everyone had fun, and everyone had popsicles after the game.